poems by Tony Erikson

oh wah ta jer ki'am
written 03-19-94
what is wrong in my mind
that i think
perhaps not every person i trust
is going to screw me
maybe i'm just naive
as a matter of fact i am
i'm trying to please everyone
except myself
so what's the problem
is it you
is it me
i don't make the rules
should i really care who does
i'm not being unreasonable
maybe a little
not much
not taking much stock
in appearances and such
i live for the day when i don't have anyone to impress
i can be my own person and it's alright
i can think how i want to
i can be who i am
but who am i
i'm not rational
i'm a putz
it's all a big blur and i think
oh what a jerk i am

loving intoxication
written 03-19-94
a grandiose thought though never conceived
a fluid motion thought never retrieved
a walk through my mind i never believed
in any situation i ever achieved
i brought in a butterfly covered in time
by a thick layer of warmth almost divine
why do the moments go running away
like so many cowboys pitch-forking hay
wandering through the fields that coat my mind
i find little words
that sum up every thought i ever anticipate having
and every situation i've ever been in
isn’t it peculiar that i want everything
i long for everything that i know that i cannot have
everything i may never have
sit awhile and hear my ramblings
you may learn something you thought you could not
true i may be impaired
i may be quite lost
but never have i felt so free to express all the feelings i feel
just me
so maybe you will know before i die
all the things that i think
or maybe i'm just drunk and not quite worthy of your praise
but i really don't care
do i
i love all the feelings i'm having
so is it a sin that i feel what i'm feeling
oh fuck it you win.

angry and alone
written 02-18-94
another day
no word
greedy self pity
reciprocated coldness
youthful rebellion
anyone hear me
no one cares
don't blame them
another day
lonely
overstepping reason
nightmares of the weak
emptiness remains