Newsletter: October 2008

This is for you mom!

Today is gray and gloom; I guess that makes it the perfect weather for Halloween. Tonight I will be playing the role of the adult while Chris and Jamie go trick or treating. Chris is very excited to spend the holiday with his son; it’s the first one they’ve spent together on four years.

The first of the month marked the one year anniversary of the day Chris and I met. We celebrated by going to dinner; I gave him a new watch; he gave me a silver & diamond locket. It was a good night although it was marked by moments of my on-going depression.

In September I ran out of my anti-depressants. I was waiting until my new insurance came into effect to get a new prescription. I shouldn’t have waited so long. The result was the worst case of the blues I’ve ever experienced. I scared myself almost to death when I started thinking of ending my life. I’ve had plenty of times when I’ve thought “I just don’t want to do this anymore”, but this was the first time I’ve actually started planning how I could go about it. Don’t worry! I’m feeling much better now; I’m back on my medication and I found a new therapist.

Chris has proven himself over and over again to me through my emotional upheaval. I can’t tell you the number of times he’s just held me and let me cry. Or how many times he’s asked me how I’m doing only to hear me say “Not so good”, and accepts the fact that I can’t explain why.

On my birthday he showed up on my doorstep with a tiny chocolate cake and candles. I went to Church with the entire family; the first time I’ve attended a service on over 10 years. I can’t honestly tell you what I thought about the service; I was uptight and tense and I cried through most of it, with Chris’s reassuring arm around me. Afterward, Ken and Carolyn took us out to eat at the Olive Garden, where I preceded to drink too much wine. This of course means that I don’t remember much of the fist night that Chris stayed over at the apartment. But it really was a good day, I didn’t spend my birthday alone.

The rest of the month has flown by. Work, sleep, work, sleep. I’ve seen a doctor to get my medications, went to the OBGYN to check my plumbing, and found a therapist that I think I like, so I guess I’ve getting things under control.

I’ll let you know what happens next month….