Just the way I am?

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about how angry I was with myself in allowing myself to believe in people before they have proven themselves worthy. She pointed out something to me that I had not previously considered. Both she and I have come from similar pasts – we’ve both visited places of addiction; we’ve both done a lot of things we regret. I won’t say that I was a bad person during these times (nor was she – but this is a story about me so…), but I was young and misguided; I was selfish, and immature, and most of my actions were dictated by low self-confidence and absolutely no self-esteem. And because I know first hand that people are capable of changing – of finding their path and making a good life for themselves, of "growing up", I tend to automatically believe that the people in my life are capable of the same (especially those from my past). Unfortunately, I have been repeatedly disappointed because the faith and trust that I automatically put in people. Maybe someday I’ll learn to be more cautious, but it’s a difficult thing to do when it’s simply part of my nature.

Finally...

After 4 long months, my mother is finally going to be back in the states tonight! She has been "wintering" in Thailand since mid-November. We've kept sporadic contact via email, and she called on Christmas, but with she and I being as close as we are, it's been difficult for me. I'm thrilled that she has the opportunity to travel as she has for the last few years, but I miss her so much while she's gone.

Anniversary

Today is my seven year anniversary working at ARUP. Who knew I had it in me to make such a commitment?

Namaste

I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light, and of peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are one.

Give me just a tiny amount of credit...

I'm a big girl. I promise that I'm more emotionally stable than I sometimes appear to be. When I ask a question, I am asking because I want an answer. I am fully aware that it might not be what I want to hear, but I am prepared for that. If I were afraid of hearing something other than what I was hoping for, I simply would not ask. Not answering does not spare my feelings. Not answering simply makes me angry. Give me a little credit please.

Just so you know...

I plan to pursue you until you catch me

Assumptions

The biggest assumption that humans make is that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. We are afraid to be ourselves around others because we think others will judge us, victimize us, abuse us, and blame us as we do ourselves.