Today's horoscope

Do not think that by ignoring the problem that it will go away, especially if the issue concerns something that lies deep in your inner core. Don't try to rationalize or come to some sort of logical conclusion about your feelings. Things are not always linear and solutions aren't always found by approaching things in a cookbook manner. Sit with your feelings and be with them on a nurturing level. Find a release for negative emotions in such a way that does not place blame or guilt on yourself or others.

The Quotable Sandman

I wish I could claim these words as my own...

Things need not have happened to be true.
Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths
that will endure when mere facts
are dust and ashes,
and forgot.
- Dream

Sometimes we can choose
the path we follow.
Sometimes our choices
are made for us.
And sometimes we have
no choice at all.
-Dream

Destinations
are often
a surprise
to the
destined.
-Thessaly

Is there any person in the world
who does not dream?
Who does not contain within them
worlds unimagined?
-Narrator

It is a fool's prerogative
to utter truths
that no one else will utter.
-Dream

Little one, I would like to
see anyone - prophet,
king or god -
persuade a thousand
cats to do anything
at the same time.
-Orange Cat

Our existence deforms the universe.
That's responsibility.
-Delirium

We do what we do because of who
we are. If we did otherwise, we
would not be ourselves.
-Dream

When the first living thing existed,
I was there waiting.
When the last living thing dies,
my job will be finished.
I'll put the chairs on the tables,
turn out the lights,
and lock the universe
behind me as I leave.
-Death

Our sister (Death) defines life,
just as Despair defines hope,
or Desire defines hatred,
or as Destiny defines freedom.
-Destruction

Never a possession, always the possessor, with
skin as pale as smoke, and eyes tawny and
sharp as yellow wine:
Desire is everything you've ever wanted.
Whoever you are. Whatever you are.
Everything
-Narrator

You got what anybody gets,
Bernie,
You got a lifetime.
-Death

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible, isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest
and it opens your heart and it means someone can
get inside of you and mess you up. You build up all
these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for
years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid
person, nodifferent from any other stupid person,
wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of
you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb
one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and your life
isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets
inside of you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in
the darkness, so a simple phrase like "Maybe we
should just be friends" or "How perceptive" turns
into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in
the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-
inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should
be able to do that. Especially not love.
I hate love.
-Rose Walker

Love belongs
to Desire.
And Desire
is always
cruel.
-Old Man

Only the phoenix arises and
does not change.
And everything changes. And
nothing is truly lost.
-Narrator

That which is dreamed
can never be lost,
can never be undreamed.
-Master Li

I know how gods begin, Roger.
We start as dreams. Then we
walk out of the dreams into the
land. We are worshipped and
loved, and take power to our-
selves. And then one day there's
no one left to worship us. And in
the end, each little god and god-
dess takes its last journey back
into dreams, and what comes
after, not even we know.
-Ishtar

I like in-betweens.
-Delirium

This is why Neil Gaiman is my favorite author, he inserts the truth through his fantisized characters so that it may be heard by the masses that are his fans.

How am I?

I’ve been asked several times in the last couple of days – How are you doing? I’m not really sure how to answer that. I can’t describe how I am exactly, and even if I could, the reality of small talk is that the asker really doesn’t want to know. The question is simply a civility – something that expects a short, sweet answer.
I am no longer in the state of despair that I was a short while ago. But I can’t say that I really feel any better. I have my highs; I have my lows; but the majority of the time I feel nothing at all. Numb.
Part of me wants to jump up and down and scream "I want my life back!" But whenever that urge hits me I think, "Wait, what life?" What have I ever done that makes me truly happy? Do I even know what being truly happy is? If I do, I can’t remember… I can’t remember a time in my life when I have been perfectly content. I can’t remember a time when some sort of turmoil wasn’t occurring.
As part of my seeing Lee every week, I have come to accept that I place no value on myself. It’s a hard thing to admit. I’m sure it will be an even harder thing to resolve. I tend to take care of everyone, and everything, except myself. How am I to override my way of thinking; the way I have lived my life for as long as I can remember? I have hope that Lee will teach me the tools to do this, but that hope is overshadowed by my belief that it isn’t possible.
I have a talent when it comes to the written word. But in this situation, where I have so much I want to say and express, I can’t seem to find the words. I want so badly to share with those that care about me what I’m going through. I want them to understand so that they can support me during this difficult time. But I can’t put into words the sadness, the loneliness, the emptiness, the frustration, and the general feeling of failure that I feel in regards to my life. In the same respect, I have no words for the sparse feeling of peace that I feel every morning when I sit on my front steps and listen to the birds, or the excitement I feel when I come home to all of the small furry creatures that are always happy that I am there. And I have no clue how to explain them emptiness that seems to overwhelm me on a daily basis.
So…. How am I? I truly don’t know – right now I’m simply surviving.

Plagiarized from Lost

Free stuff
Fake it. Take it. Use it. The advantage it gives is nominal in comparison to the greed it produces when pulled from wanton dreams…. The sadness….
Free stuff part II
For those of you who once loved someone but now don’t. Good for you. Loving hurts way too much and in the end it will be your ultimate downfall.
Friends
Why is it that one’s expectations never match up with another’s? Selfish pride mingled with a touch of regretful sorrow makes a good story. I guess I will buy it.
August
August is here. Looking back, the year has slowed to a mundane crawl. The goals and dreams of many have yet to materialize. Just beyond the grasp of the menial tirade.
What left is here to show hope for the final season before us. Fall is coming rapidly and yet winters cold grasp will be stayed for but a month in time. In this small second where time skips between moments, life slips quietly by.
Why do we miss the serenity that surrounds the silence between the torn violence that permeates each act of civil justice? The answers are there, plainly set before us yet we are never to understand what it states. The reality is too real for our understanding and screams to be hidden. We bury it in the cold earth.
Will it ever se the light of day? The decision lies with each individual. Can one person truly ever make a difference in a world that no longer contains any safe places?
Make a difference if you can. Reach out, yet be wary. There are those who lie in wait, seeking to lead you astray. Forever the night shall be when caught. Forever will it lead to paths unseen. Eyes that never forgive, lost on the site of something once thought beautiful.
Gone. It lies forever now in ruin.
August is here and the slow crawl of winter’s shill is behind the next window…
Forever is a long time… Right?

This week of events has left me somewhat mystified at the inner workings of fate and what we deem important in life. I laugh at the excuses people give when I know dame well they know better, I suppose it is human nature to rationalize what we should not and live in our self-made prisons rather than face the self-made tribulations.
I expect better of some. To know that you are used only for those tough times and never when things are going well does not sit well with me. I find it ironic that I get a call only when times are spiraling downwards; "so called" friends are there I am but an unseen ghost waiting in the background to be summoned upon a whim. It is sad to think that one would pick "friends" such as those over friends who actually care. Interesting, is it not?
However, as is the nature of balance, one friend leaves another one enters. I am always appreciative of new friends and new acquaintances and for new opportunities. Life has a myriad of mysteries to offer and the crux lies in determining which path to follow. Of course some lead dangerously close to edges best left uncharted and some lead to riches untold. Others lead to wanton desire while some lead to knowledge. All can be used for good or not. They are tools crafted over time by one willing to wield the risk.
As the weekend approaches I look back and am grateful for the experiences that have shaped my reality. The pain of the past becomes distant but is a continual reminder that without a challenge nothing can be gained nor can knowledge by put to the test. Nothing risked, nothing gained.
I am reminded of what comes next, the risk involved and the pain it could bring however the rewards can be worth it… Right?
Time will tell…

Fiction may just be better than real life… Maybe…
Full circle of undeniable loss that so drowns reality will flood with torrential life rain and soon you will be swept so far that hopes of ever returning will be lost.

Stylistic Motions of an Untamed Mind
From start to finish, I find each week passing quickly as though time itself is speeding by. The metaphysical passage of time does nothing to ease what lies in wait at each chasm. Only the crossroads of twilight offer resolution. Somber at best, it brings a slight glimmer of hope in a world where hope lies buried beneath the greed of physical substance…
As the fading light of day gives way to blank unseen waves of dark, a slight coldness can be felt if but for a small moment. A calming motion of liquid fluidity caught in a stream of unending solidarity.
As dreams float to the surface, a minimal path of resistance takes the shape of past weeks. The lives of thousands racing unswept across the barren wastelands of unliving thought. Change is necessary if not always wanted…

His writing touches me in ways I have no words for. He expresses the hopes, disappointments, and reflections that so often haunt my waking dreams. The poetry he inflicts on his words brings a chill across my skin and a hint of jealousy for his talent he possess that I do not.

I just wanted to share…

Through the lines...

Since I’ve been working on the weekends, I’ve encountered few people that have been a part of my life in one way or another.
I’ve seen several people that I currently work with during the week. Each time, I impulsively explain to them why I am working a second job. I think that part of me is ashamed to be seen there by the people that know me well enough to recognize that the mindless moneymaker is below by credentials and experience. I don’t believe that there is anything wrong with working in a grocery store, but I know that I am far more capable and intelligent than to make a career of it.
One of the first weekends that I was there, I noticed someone that I once worked with going through another line. It was a woman that I had danced with during a time in my life that now feels like one of those dreams that you wake up from and can’t quite remember. This was almost a decade ago. But there she was… firm and trim as ever, with her tiny shorts and tank top, high-heels, a painted face complete with false eyelashes. A small streak of jealousy shot through me, I think because part of me wished that I was still in the shape I was back during that time that I could remember her real name. Then I felt ashamed, both for her and myself. Embarrassed for her because there she was, buying toilet paper, in full "work attire", drawing a lot of attention and funny looks. Ashamed for myself because I use to do the same thing. Maybe that’s part of what happens when you grow up; you are able to feel regret and sympathy for those that do the things you once did.
This weekend one of my favorite teachers came through my line. She was the one to recognize me. She was one of the three instructors during my SLCC time that had the most influence over me, one of the ones I will never forget. She expressed the same spirit that my mother possess, which There are certain people that touch your life in ways that you don’t realize until they are gone. She was such a source encouragement; the passion that she taught her classes with inspired me, and for that I will always be grateful.

The fortune cookie says...

You have a charming way with words and should write a book.

A series of unfortunate events...

So… I’ve had a number of mishaps over the last few days that I’d thought I should share.
Thursday morning the light bulb burnt out in my bathroom, and of course, I didn’t have any spares, so I had to shower in the dark.
Thursday night, I got home – really had to use the bathroom, and found that I had locked myself out – probably hit the lock while in the dark. So in a panic, I grabbed a screwdriver and removed the hinges – still couldn’t get it open. I found a paperclip, and unlocked the door (after all of the effort with the hinges).
Friday I went shopping and forgot light bulbs. I ended up taking one from a lamp I rarely use. So I get the bathroom put back together – the door back on it’s hinges and now I have light!
Friday night I was watching a movie and I hear a loud crash coming from the bathroom – apparently I didn’t secure the light cover securely enough, so now I have shards of glass all over the floor.
I cut my hand while cleaning it all up.
Saturday I found that I didn’t get all of the tiny pieces of glass picked up when I stepped out of the shower and cut my foot.
Sunday at work the day started out with me dropping a bottle of salsa all over the floor. Glass and muck everywhere.
About an hour later I broke my register. (Ok, I know I didn’t break it, but it broke while I was working on it)
So they move me to a new register, and I pick up a six-pack of beer and tear my thumb open on one of the caps.
And by the end of the night I had torn two of my fingernails down to the quick.
Then this morning I woke to find a terrible small in my house. I couldn’t find the source of it anywhere – until I stuck my hand in it. One of the fuzz-balls had an accident, and tried to cover it up with a shoebox lid. In the course of discovering it, not only did I stick my hand in it, but succeeded in smearing it all over the carpet.
It all just makes me shake my head a laugh – a combination of clumsiness and bad luck that has hopefully run its course!