The Changing of the Seasons

There’s a chill in the air. The colors are changing. Everywhere you look someone is bundled in a warm jacket. Air conditioners have been turned off. Furnaces are flaring up all over the valley.
Fall is here.
How can it be here already? How is it possible? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I had to go out & buy an air conditioner because by place was so unbearably hot. Wasn’t it just a minute ago that my little Karma was curled up in bed with me, healthy & happy? Wasn't it just mere seconds ago that I knew who and where I was?
My life over the last few months has been a blur. Continuos repeat of rushing through one day to get to the next. Most days I have no idea what day of the week it is. Constantly overwhelmed with too much to do, and frustrated because I seem to get nothing accomplished.
I need change. I need life. What I have now is simply a form of existence. I breathe. I function. I think. I fumble blindly through each day. I exist. I do not live.
Depressions always seems to accompany the cold and gray skies of this season.

Show me some love...

I have a difficult job. But it's a job that I usually enjoy - most days. I deal with complicated problems and angry clients all day on top of being asked countless questions by my reps and handling my many assigned daily duties. I don't ask for much. I come to work, I do my job, I go home. I think I'm pretty good at my job, but it would be nice to hear every once in a while. Instead of "Hey Jenn, you did this and this and this wrong" how about "Thanks" or "you're doing a great job". This department is full of unhappy people. People that are leaving because they aren't receiving the praise that they deserve. Maybe management should rethink their recognition program...

Through my fingers...

Today I received my checks for my refinance. $14,000! I held that much in my hand for about the period of an hour. I paid off all of my credit cards and small loans, which does make me feel better about my financial situation, but it was horrific to hold that much money in my hands and know that I can't do anything fun with it.

Thought for the day

Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated. - Martin Luther King

Attention Shoppers!

Here is some friendly advice that may improve your grocery shopping experience:

• 
  If you feel that it is not necessary to assert proper hygiene practices to buy groceries, please remember that although your sense of smell may be disabled, those you come into contact with may not appreciate you personal aroma.
• 
  It is in no way, shape or form acceptable to touch your friendly neighborhood grocery associate. While friendliness is a job requirement, it is not an invitation to embrace, slap, grab, or initiate any sort of physical contact.
• 
  If you choose to bring young children to the store, and are unable to keep them under control, please remember that we sell, duct tape and dog leashes.
• 
  If your infant child is shattering the pickle jars with it’s ear piercing wail, please do not continue with your shopping; leave your cart where it is and comfort your child in a location that will not inflict permanent hearing loss on complete strangers.
• 
  Please do not allow your child to remain in the cart during checkout if:
  You are going to hover over the cashier to ensure that your child is not price checked, scanned, and bagged.
  You can not insure that your cashier will not have to play tug-of-war with the merchandise.
  You expect your cashier to be a babysitter; there is an additional charge for this service.
  Your child finds it amusing to rock the cart, causing it to crash into your cashier’s legs. There is a $20 charge for each bruise that is inflicted.
• 
  Remember that not all of us are lucky enough to know a foreign language.
• 
  Although there is no prerequisite dress code for customers, please keep in mind:
  Short short/skirts should not be worn by anyone over 20
  Underwear was not intended to be seen
  Pants have waistbands for a reason
  Low-rise jeans were not made to store excess baggage
  Skinny jeans look funny on men
  Bras were made to be worn
• 
  Electric shopping carts are not amusement park rides
• 
  Isles were made for two-lane traffic. If you block both lanes you will receive a ticket.
• 
  Checks are obsolete. The debit/credit card slider is not your enemy.

Thank you for your time and cooperation.
- The Management

Expectations

Last week Lee and I discussed the difference between expectations and what can be expected.
What the difference, right?
Expectations are little stories that we tell ourselves. Expectations are little scenarios that we allow to play out in our minds. Expectations set us up for disappointment; our fantasies rarely materialize into reality.
To turn expectations into what can actually be expected you must communicate your wants and desires. Once you get them out of your head and into the open, the illusions disappear.
So, to my readers: I have shared this address with you because you are someone that I care about and want to share parts of my life with. When I began this blog, it was simply intended to be an outlet for my feeling and for my eyes only. I poured my heart out, feeling the safety that I could not be judged for my expression. That changed when I started to share my blog with you. I have held back; I have used others words to express how I feel, buffering my emotions as to avoid judgement, ridicule, and resentment. I want no more of the false embodiment. I want to once again to be free with what I write.
Here is what I expect of you, as you read this henceforth:
Accept me for the person I am: a woman with a full range of emotions that strives to make more out of the life I have been given.
Refrain from judgement for having good and bad days; for speaking my mind, and having my own opinions; for making decisions based on my wants and needs; for being just like you.
I expect you to be the friends and family that I hold so near to my heart. Listen to me. Laugh with me. Cry with me. Talk with me. Love with me.
I am placing my trust in you.

Bye Bye Baby

Today is a bittersweet day for me. I sold my first Joey. I knew this day would come, but I had to chock back tears as I handed her over to her new family. I have a feeling that she’s going to a good home and will get all the attention she needs and deserves; I screened all that were interested pretty well, and I had a good feeling about this family. I just worry about tonight being the first night away from her mom and clan – poor little thing is going to be scared to death. I guess this is what it feels like to have your children grow up and move away…. even if your children aren’t human, the motherly bond is instinctive and it makes it hard to let go.

Thought for the day

Sometimes you just have to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you.
-Dr Phil

Life

Life
Is this it?
Is this what it’s all about?
Is it nothing but an eternal struggle to make if from one day to the next?
Life
Is it this way for everyone?
Or are some just given an easy path?
Who or what determines which path each of us is to take?
How much control do we really have over the life we are given?
Life
Am I the only one that feels so hopeless?
Am I the only one that wants to give up?
Am I the only one that doesn’t dare to hope?
Am I the only one that expects the worst in all things?
Am I the only one that feels so very, very alone?
Life
Does anyone understand?
Does anyone feel the same?
Life
Will the meaning of life forever remain a mystery?
An unanswered question?
Something I may glimpse at, but never grasp?
Life
Am I just out of my mind?
Is it time for a rubber room?
Why does it not bother me that it’s a possibility?
Life
What are the things that make life worth living for?
Will I ever find the answers?
Life
Will I always feel like a woman in chains?
Will I someday grow my wings and break free of all that binds me to my misery?
Life
Is it wrong to envy the lives that others lead?
Life
Is is unreasonable to want more than just a few fleeting moments of happiness?
Life
Am I foolish to hope that one day I will find the life I live meaningful?
Life
Is this really all there is?