So Diane, Mykie, and myself were coming back in from break, waiting for the elevator. Mykie (a very gay man) had to straighten the hood of my sweater, apparently it was inside out and driving him crazy. Diane made a comment, "Oh Michael, you’re so good to your woman, always making sure we look put together". To this Mykie makes a funny face, and says… Sorry ladies, I’m strictly dickly! and does his little "gay" wave.
Diane was doubled over she was laughing so hard – I hope he realizes that he now has himself a new nickname!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Patience
Patience
They say patience is a virtue.
It’s not one of mine.
An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.
Those that know me would laugh.
I hate waiting.
I want what I want when I want it.
Instant gratification.
Right here.
Right now.
Why must you make me wait?
They say patience is a virtue.
It’s not one of mine.
An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.
Those that know me would laugh.
I hate waiting.
I want what I want when I want it.
Instant gratification.
Right here.
Right now.
Why must you make me wait?
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Destiny
Walk any path in Destiny’s garden, and you will be forced to choose not once, but many times.
The Paths fork and divide. With each step you take through Destiny’s garden, you make a choice; and every choice determines future paths.
However, at the end of a lifetime of walking you might look back and see only one path stretching out behind you; or ahead and see only darkness.
Sometimes you dream about the paths of Destiny, and speculate, to no purpose.
Dream about the paths you took and the paths you didn’t take…
The paths diverge and branch and reconnect; some say not even Destiny himself truly knows where any way will take you, where each twist and turn will lead.
But even if Destiny could tell you, he will not.
Destiny holds his secrets.
The Garden of Destiny. You would know it if you saw it. After all, you will wander it until you die.
Or beyond.
For the paths are long and even in death there is no ending to them.
Destiny of the Endless is the only one who understands the garden’s peculiar geography, distinct from time and space, where the potential becomes the actual.
Destiny knows the book he carries is as much a guide to the garden as it is
the minutiae of future-past.
Destiny has no path of his own. He makes no decisions, picks no branching ways; his way is laid out, drawn and defined, from the beginning of time to the end of everything.
-Neil Gaiman, Season of Mist
The Paths fork and divide. With each step you take through Destiny’s garden, you make a choice; and every choice determines future paths.
However, at the end of a lifetime of walking you might look back and see only one path stretching out behind you; or ahead and see only darkness.
Sometimes you dream about the paths of Destiny, and speculate, to no purpose.
Dream about the paths you took and the paths you didn’t take…
The paths diverge and branch and reconnect; some say not even Destiny himself truly knows where any way will take you, where each twist and turn will lead.
But even if Destiny could tell you, he will not.
Destiny holds his secrets.
The Garden of Destiny. You would know it if you saw it. After all, you will wander it until you die.
Or beyond.
For the paths are long and even in death there is no ending to them.
Destiny of the Endless is the only one who understands the garden’s peculiar geography, distinct from time and space, where the potential becomes the actual.
Destiny knows the book he carries is as much a guide to the garden as it is
the minutiae of future-past.
Destiny has no path of his own. He makes no decisions, picks no branching ways; his way is laid out, drawn and defined, from the beginning of time to the end of everything.
-Neil Gaiman, Season of Mist
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Today's horoscope
Find a reason to celebrate Jenn. Even if there is not necessarily a good reason, celebrate anyway. Celebrate life, celebrate your friends and loved ones, and celebrate the air that you breathe. There is exuberance in the air that is encouraging you to take a good look at life, and be more appreciative for all the things that you have. Give generously of yourself and your resources. What you give out will come back to you several-fold at a time when you need it the most.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Catching up on the first part of this month...
So a lot has happened since the start of this month, but I’ve been unable to write about them all until now. So here’s a day-by-day account of what’s happened in my life so far during October…
Monday, October 1
I took this day off so that I could finish cleaning my condo in preparation for mom’s visit. I got a lot done, and was pleased with myself for getting almost everything I needed to accomplish. The one thing that didn’t make me happy was that I was careless when vacuuming & wrapped the cord to my phone charger around the spinney wheel thing & ruined it – now I have to charge my phone in the car!
Tuesday, October 2
I came into work to find that I had not been informed of an additional PRS meeting that had been held earlier that morning. The meeting was to inform us that each of us were being assigned a certain time to devote solely to the queue, and another time to monitor the BCSM to make sure everyone is on the phone. Each PRS was assigned 1 hour a day for each task – that is everyone but me. I got 4 ½ hours each day, during which I’m supposed to take calls and keep any eye on everyone else, plus take care of the voicemails & emails, take care of my incoming problems, not to mention all of my other duties. Needless to say, I wasn’t very happy; when I went to talk to those above me about this, I was told that I wasn’t taking enough calls and it was implied that I wasn’t doing enough during the evening to help out. So, basically I felt alienated because I had not been included in the meeting and unappreciated because it was viewed that I don’t work hard enough.
That day I also came across an add for a male Joey that need to go to a good home because the family that bought him had just found out that their son had severe medical problems & would have to start chemo – they weren’t going to have enough time to spend with the little guy. So that night after work I drove all the way out to Tooele to pick him up, the family seemed pleased that I had so much experience with sugar gliders, and said they felt great about sending him home with me. When they took him out of his bonding pouch, he got spooked & jumped to the floor (this little tidbit of information will become important in the next few days…)
Wednesday, October 3
I came into work for my last day before a well-deserved vacation. I barely made it through the day. My frustration kept building toward my unhappiness with work, and I found myself looking through other positions that are available in the company. I was so frustrated that after I left, I went and bought a suit so that I could start interviewing for a job that I would be happy in. When I got home, I caught Manny peeing on the carpet again. This broke my heart because I had promised myself that if I caught him in the act again, I would put him down. Being an older cat, his chances for adoption are slim, and the behavioral problems that he had started exhibiting (peeing on the carpet whenever I paid attention to any of the other critters in my home) would make his chances for adoption almost impossible. Part of me feels like a monster for making this decision, he had been with my for over seven years, and all & all is a good cat, but now that I’m a home owner, I have to consider that fact that his behavior affects my other animals, and it affects my property values. I’d already spent hundred’s of dollars in cleaning the carpets since he’d started doing it, and after talking to the vet, I knew that once a cat starts this kind of behavior, it is rare that they will ever stop.
Thursday, October 4
I got up early to finish picking up the house & got ready to pick mom up from the airport. She called when the plane got in & I jumped in the car to go get her. As we headed for home, I told her that I was going to have to call the vet when we got home, we had discussed the problem with Manny several times over the last few weeks. When we got home I called Dr Whitty & he said he would be able to come by at approximately 12:30. In the meantime mom and I ran to an office supply store so that she could buy some of the things she would need to teach her class the following night. We got back to the condo, and I tried to spend as much time with Manny as I could, I held him, and took pictures, and tried to let him know that I loved him. The vet showed up a little late, and he confirmed that there weren’t a lot of options when it comes to this behavior, we could do blood & urine work to rule out any medical problems, and try some anti-anxiety drugs, but that rarely works. So I held him and loved him as they injected him with Phenobarbital, and in less than a minute, my beautiful boy was gone. Both mom & me sat and cried and cried, then we went and got some wine and did some more shopping. When we got home I took out the new baby so that he could start getting used to his new home & me. It this time I noticed that something seemed to be wrong with one of his little legs. He didn’t seem to be able to use it at all…
Friday, October 5
I had a 10am appointment with Lee, so I had mom drop me off, which allowed her to go run a few errands. I also had little Izzy with me, something in me sensed that something may be wrong with him, and I wanted to keep him close. Lee and I discussed at length how unhappy I was at work, and that it may be in my best interest to find a position either within out outside of the company. After that mom and I did some more running around town, then headed home so she could prepare for her class that evening. I kept little Izzy with me, even took him in the bathroom while I took a bath. W.JPG)
hile I was getting ready, I placed his pouch on a heating pad, but when he pushed off of it, I put him back in his cage for a little while. Just before mom and I were ready to leave the house, I checked in on him – and he was gone. I don’t mean physically, his little lifeless body was balled up in his sleeping pouch. I lost it that’s the only way I could describe it. Now that I can think rationally about it, I think that what happened is that when I jumped to the floor that first night he broke his leg or back…. Mom took his little body from my hands & wrapped him in a little blanket, then placed him in a box & put it in the freezer until I could decide what I wanted to do with him. Then we stopped by Harmons and I told them I wouldn’t be able to work that weekend due to a death in the family (it was true…). Then we headed to the Four Winds so mom could set up for her class. While she did that I went across the street & bought myself a hat – probably just to make myself feel a tiny bit better (didn’t work). No one showed up for her class, so she did her presentation for me and then gave me a foot massage. From there it was back home to drink lots of wine.
Saturday, October 6
I slept in while mom went back to the Four Winds to clean up. That night I had a dream about Bonnie and my ferret – I kept yelling at her to bring my ferret back (when we ceased to be roommates so took my ferret to her mother’s house since it was her cage, without consulting me about it – told me she would bring her back when I got a cage of my own, but I never heard from her again). When mom got home I took the car and adopted a ferret. I know that sounded like a rush decision, but I had this huge hole in my heart, and I needed something to fill it with. So I introduced Shirley to the rest of the family while I set up a new big cage. Mom had her doubts as to this being a smart decision – but by the time she left I think she was in love – she kept calling her the “long skinny rat”, but she would laugh and laugh when she watcher her play with the cats. She’s a tiny little thing and is considered to have a “cinnamon” colored coat
Sunday, October 7
We didn’t do much on this day. We went to the Golden Braid and the Dancing Crane stores, then just watched movies and played with the ferret. During mom’s time here, she made a friend. Whisper, my little deaf boy has never been one to cuddle or put up with being held. But he really took to mom; crawling up on her lab, following her around… purring! In the four months that he’s been here I’ve only heard him purr once, but his motor was on the entire time she was here!
Monday, October 8
On Monday we visited a lot of little shops; in one of them I bought a beautiful print to hang in my bedroom. Then I dropped mom off at the Four Winds where she was going to give a foot massage to one of the owners for her birthday. After that we went out for my birthday dinner at Rodizio Grill (mmmmm…).
Tuesday, October 9
I this was the day I had a pretty bad headache, so mom spent a lot of time at the storage unit going through her stuff. She brought me back her good dishes to use – they might as well be used instead of sitting in a box. I also asked her to bring back some of our old family pictures so that I could hang them on my wall.
Wednesday, October 10
Mom helped me load up the car with all the boxes and household items that I wanted to donate to the DI. We went out for an early dinner – we had planned to go to our favorite Thai restaurant, but they were closed in-between lunch and dinner & neither of us could wait two more hours to eat. So we settled on Olive Garden soup & salad.
Thursday, October 11
I woke up on my birthday and got ready to take my mom back to the airport. I thought saying goodbye would be really difficult, since we only see each other about once a year, but we had such a good time together that I was able to drive away without shedding a tear. When I got home I let Shirley out of cage to play. A few hours later I had to get ready for my appointment with Lee, so I stuck the ferret back in her cage and headed out the door. For some reason, I really didn’t enjoy this day’s session – therapy isn’t always easy, you end up hearing, and realizing the truth about aspects of yourself that aren’t always pleasant. I let him read the beautiful letter that mom had left me that morning (she told me that once a psychic had told her that I was burnt at the stake for witchcraft in a former life, and because of this I now repress the intuitive gifts that I possess). Lee’s comment about that is that’s what I’m going through now – I’ve recently been burnt (emotionally), and therefore have withdrawn from society. He also said that I overcompensate for my lack of human relationships by being such an animal fanatic – yes, it’s true, but it’s hard to hear. After that I went to the mall to get a new nose stud & ended up being hit on by a 23 year old! I know he was actually just trying to sell his skin care products, but it made my day anyway. Then I picked up some dinner, went home, watched some TV, and went to bed early. All in all, it was a pretty good day.
Friday, October 12
Today was my day to relax and do nothing. I slept late (and in my own bed – I’d given mom my room & slept on the couch or floor for a week). Then I ran to pick up my prescriptions, pay a bill, and stick my letter in the mail. Then I went home to lie on the couch.
Saturday & Sunday, October 13 & 14
Went back to work these two day (at the grocery store) – and it wore me out! It’s tough going back to work after having nine days off.
Monday, October 15
Back to work at the lab. While I was out it was announce that my good friend Diane had been given the night lead position. I am extremely happy for her, and think that having her there at night will take a lot of the pressure off of me. She told me that the whole reason that she applied was so that she could work more with me. But I was disappointed at the same time because the only reason I didn’t apply for the position was that I have only been a PRS for a short time, and didn’t think I would be considered – but Diane has been a PRS for a lot less time than me… so I lost out on a position I wanted just because I didn’t try! I also decided on this day that Shirley needed a friend. With me being gone during the day, she is alone in her cage – probably staring out at Ramona yearning to play. So I left work a little early & picked up the little boy that I had almost chosen over Shirley. His name is Herman & he’s a BIG boy – he’s twice her size! He has a silver coat and fits right in with the rest of the “pack” at home.
Monday, October 1
I took this day off so that I could finish cleaning my condo in preparation for mom’s visit. I got a lot done, and was pleased with myself for getting almost everything I needed to accomplish. The one thing that didn’t make me happy was that I was careless when vacuuming & wrapped the cord to my phone charger around the spinney wheel thing & ruined it – now I have to charge my phone in the car!
Tuesday, October 2
I came into work to find that I had not been informed of an additional PRS meeting that had been held earlier that morning. The meeting was to inform us that each of us were being assigned a certain time to devote solely to the queue, and another time to monitor the BCSM to make sure everyone is on the phone. Each PRS was assigned 1 hour a day for each task – that is everyone but me. I got 4 ½ hours each day, during which I’m supposed to take calls and keep any eye on everyone else, plus take care of the voicemails & emails, take care of my incoming problems, not to mention all of my other duties. Needless to say, I wasn’t very happy; when I went to talk to those above me about this, I was told that I wasn’t taking enough calls and it was implied that I wasn’t doing enough during the evening to help out. So, basically I felt alienated because I had not been included in the meeting and unappreciated because it was viewed that I don’t work hard enough.
That day I also came across an add for a male Joey that need to go to a good home because the family that bought him had just found out that their son had severe medical problems & would have to start chemo – they weren’t going to have enough time to spend with the little guy. So that night after work I drove all the way out to Tooele to pick him up, the family seemed pleased that I had so much experience with sugar gliders, and said they felt great about sending him home with me. When they took him out of his bonding pouch, he got spooked & jumped to the floor (this little tidbit of information will become important in the next few days…)
Wednesday, October 3
I came into work for my last day before a well-deserved vacation. I barely made it through the day. My frustration kept building toward my unhappiness with work, and I found myself looking through other positions that are available in the company. I was so frustrated that after I left, I went and bought a suit so that I could start interviewing for a job that I would be happy in. When I got home, I caught Manny peeing on the carpet again. This broke my heart because I had promised myself that if I caught him in the act again, I would put him down. Being an older cat, his chances for adoption are slim, and the behavioral problems that he had started exhibiting (peeing on the carpet whenever I paid attention to any of the other critters in my home) would make his chances for adoption almost impossible. Part of me feels like a monster for making this decision, he had been with my for over seven years, and all & all is a good cat, but now that I’m a home owner, I have to consider that fact that his behavior affects my other animals, and it affects my property values. I’d already spent hundred’s of dollars in cleaning the carpets since he’d started doing it, and after talking to the vet, I knew that once a cat starts this kind of behavior, it is rare that they will ever stop.
Thursday, October 4
I got up early to finish picking up the house & got ready to pick mom up from the airport. She called when the plane got in & I jumped in the car to go get her. As we headed for home, I told her that I was going to have to call the vet when we got home, we had discussed the problem with Manny several times over the last few weeks. When we got home I called Dr Whitty & he said he would be able to come by at approximately 12:30. In the meantime mom and I ran to an office supply store so that she could buy some of the things she would need to teach her class the following night. We got back to the condo, and I tried to spend as much time with Manny as I could, I held him, and took pictures, and tried to let him know that I loved him. The vet showed up a little late, and he confirmed that there weren’t a lot of options when it comes to this behavior, we could do blood & urine work to rule out any medical problems, and try some anti-anxiety drugs, but that rarely works. So I held him and loved him as they injected him with Phenobarbital, and in less than a minute, my beautiful boy was gone. Both mom & me sat and cried and cried, then we went and got some wine and did some more shopping. When we got home I took out the new baby so that he could start getting used to his new home & me. It this time I noticed that something seemed to be wrong with one of his little legs. He didn’t seem to be able to use it at all…
Friday, October 5
I had a 10am appointment with Lee, so I had mom drop me off, which allowed her to go run a few errands. I also had little Izzy with me, something in me sensed that something may be wrong with him, and I wanted to keep him close. Lee and I discussed at length how unhappy I was at work, and that it may be in my best interest to find a position either within out outside of the company. After that mom and I did some more running around town, then headed home so she could prepare for her class that evening. I kept little Izzy with me, even took him in the bathroom while I took a bath. W
.JPG)
hile I was getting ready, I placed his pouch on a heating pad, but when he pushed off of it, I put him back in his cage for a little while. Just before mom and I were ready to leave the house, I checked in on him – and he was gone. I don’t mean physically, his little lifeless body was balled up in his sleeping pouch. I lost it that’s the only way I could describe it. Now that I can think rationally about it, I think that what happened is that when I jumped to the floor that first night he broke his leg or back…. Mom took his little body from my hands & wrapped him in a little blanket, then placed him in a box & put it in the freezer until I could decide what I wanted to do with him. Then we stopped by Harmons and I told them I wouldn’t be able to work that weekend due to a death in the family (it was true…). Then we headed to the Four Winds so mom could set up for her class. While she did that I went across the street & bought myself a hat – probably just to make myself feel a tiny bit better (didn’t work). No one showed up for her class, so she did her presentation for me and then gave me a foot massage. From there it was back home to drink lots of wine.
Saturday, October 6I slept in while mom went back to the Four Winds to clean up. That night I had a dream about Bonnie and my ferret – I kept yelling at her to bring my ferret back (when we ceased to be roommates so took my ferret to her mother’s house since it was her cage, without consulting me about it – told me she would bring her back when I got a cage of my own, but I never heard from her again). When mom got home I took the car and adopted a ferret. I know that sounded like a rush decision, but I had this huge hole in my heart, and I needed something to fill it with. So I introduced Shirley to the rest of the family while I set up a new big cage. Mom had her doubts as to this being a smart decision – but by the time she left I think she was in love – she kept calling her the “long skinny rat”, but she would laugh and laugh when she watcher her play with the cats. She’s a tiny little thing and is considered to have a “cinnamon” colored coat
Sunday, October 7 We didn’t do much on this day. We went to the Golden Braid and the Dancing Crane stores, then just watched movies and played with the ferret. During mom’s time here, she made a friend. Whisper, my little deaf boy has never been one to cuddle or put up with being held. But he really took to mom; crawling up on her lab, following her around… purring! In the four months that he’s been here I’ve only heard him purr once, but his motor was on the entire time she was here!
Monday, October 8
On Monday we visited a lot of little shops; in one of them I bought a beautiful print to hang in my bedroom. Then I dropped mom off at the Four Winds where she was going to give a foot massage to one of the owners for her birthday. After that we went out for my birthday dinner at Rodizio Grill (mmmmm…).
Tuesday, October 9
I this was the day I had a pretty bad headache, so mom spent a lot of time at the storage unit going through her stuff. She brought me back her good dishes to use – they might as well be used instead of sitting in a box. I also asked her to bring back some of our old family pictures so that I could hang them on my wall.
Wednesday, October 10
Mom helped me load up the car with all the boxes and household items that I wanted to donate to the DI. We went out for an early dinner – we had planned to go to our favorite Thai restaurant, but they were closed in-between lunch and dinner & neither of us could wait two more hours to eat. So we settled on Olive Garden soup & salad.
Thursday, October 11
I woke up on my birthday and got ready to take my mom back to the airport. I thought saying goodbye would be really difficult, since we only see each other about once a year, but we had such a good time together that I was able to drive away without shedding a tear. When I got home I let Shirley out of cage to play. A few hours later I had to get ready for my appointment with Lee, so I stuck the ferret back in her cage and headed out the door. For some reason, I really didn’t enjoy this day’s session – therapy isn’t always easy, you end up hearing, and realizing the truth about aspects of yourself that aren’t always pleasant. I let him read the beautiful letter that mom had left me that morning (she told me that once a psychic had told her that I was burnt at the stake for witchcraft in a former life, and because of this I now repress the intuitive gifts that I possess). Lee’s comment about that is that’s what I’m going through now – I’ve recently been burnt (emotionally), and therefore have withdrawn from society. He also said that I overcompensate for my lack of human relationships by being such an animal fanatic – yes, it’s true, but it’s hard to hear. After that I went to the mall to get a new nose stud & ended up being hit on by a 23 year old! I know he was actually just trying to sell his skin care products, but it made my day anyway. Then I picked up some dinner, went home, watched some TV, and went to bed early. All in all, it was a pretty good day.
Friday, October 12
Today was my day to relax and do nothing. I slept late (and in my own bed – I’d given mom my room & slept on the couch or floor for a week). Then I ran to pick up my prescriptions, pay a bill, and stick my letter in the mail. Then I went home to lie on the couch.
Saturday & Sunday, October 13 & 14
Went back to work these two day (at the grocery store) – and it wore me out! It’s tough going back to work after having nine days off.
Monday, October 15
Back to work at the lab. While I was out it was announce that my good friend Diane had been given the night lead position. I am extremely happy for her, and think that having her there at night will take a lot of the pressure off of me. She told me that the whole reason that she applied was so that she could work more with me. But I was disappointed at the same time because the only reason I didn’t apply for the position was that I have only been a PRS for a short time, and didn’t think I would be considered – but Diane has been a PRS for a lot less time than me… so I lost out on a position I wanted just because I didn’t try! I also decided on this day that Shirley needed a friend. With me being gone during the day, she is alone in her cage – probably staring out at Ramona yearning to play. So I left work a little early & picked up the little boy that I had almost chosen over Shirley. His name is Herman & he’s a BIG boy – he’s twice her size! He has a silver coat and fits right in with the rest of the “pack” at home.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Goodbye my loves
I’ve had a tough couple of days. On Thursday I had to have Manny put to sleep. This beautiful boy that has been my friend & companion of eight years developed some behavioral problems that there was no cure for. Then on Friday, little Izzy passed away. I’m not sure why, but those are the chances that you sometimes take when rescuing animals in need.
Goodbye my friends, I will always carry you in my heart.
Goodbye my friends, I will always carry you in my heart.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The newest mamber of my little family
I would like to introduce everyone to Izzy. He's a 14 week OOP baby that came home with me last night. How he came to me is actually a sad story, but he will have a long happy life with me. He's barely been handled, so he's going to need a lot of extra attention, but who couldn't love a face like this?
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